Gather ‘round, it’s time for another story! A sensory awakening story!
A couple of months before I realized I was autistic, an acquaintance posted the below graphic from Psyched Mommy on Facebook. If you know me now, you are probably laughing to find out that I had absolutely no idea that I had sensory sensitivities before seeing this image. No clue. I didn’t even know that this was a thing! It’s actually hard for me to conceive of my cluelessness in the past since I’m all about honoring and protecting my sensory system now.
When I saw these descriptions, I immediately recognized myself in a way that probably wouldn’t have been possible just a year before. This change occurred because of the pandemic shutdown. I had been in such a constant state of masking and overwhelm pre-shutdown that I didn’t notice these feelings until all of the pressures of socializing and public life were removed. I had been suppressing them so completely my entire life that I didn’t know they existed. I just knew that I didn’t feel good. Looking at this image now, I see that it was the tip of the sensory iceberg!
But this one image acted as a key for unlocking a series of deeper and deeper insights into how my brain and body worked differently from those of most people. My initial online research led me to think that I had Sensory Processing Disorder. Luckily, I was able to find a local occupational therapist who works with adults on their sensory challenges (I now know what a rare find she was!) and she had an opening within a few weeks. But I remember those first few weeks as excruciating, because when I realized I had sensory sensitivities to nearly everything, all of my senses became like raw nerve endings. I wanted to escape into even more of a hole than the pandemic had forced me into! I remember distinctly how almost all sound made my skin crawl during that period.
I know now that it was healthy to finally experience my senses fully. I needed to feel all of these things instead of expending so much of my energy on pushing my sensations so deep down that they didn’t bother me. And I needed to feel them in order to figure out how to meet my needs instead of ignoring them. But in the moment, I was terrified that I would always feel so raw and overwhelmed by everything around me.
Thankfully, working with the OT that I found was exactly the start I needed! She helped me develop a sensory diet that calmed all of my senses. I also read more. I listened to my body more. Soon I realized I was autistic. And over time, I’ve developed many strategies and discovered many tools that support me in facing the world in partnership with my sensory system, not in spite of it. I now feel more regulated and empowered than I could have even dreamed when I saw that image on Facebook.
My next couple of blog posts will focus on the things that helped me through my sensory awakening in hopes that they will help you too. I want every autistic adult to feel this good!
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